So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
