Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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