Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
