So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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