I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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