Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
