Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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