At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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