he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
