"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Four minutes until I can fart!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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