He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
