Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
