I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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