i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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