haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
