Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize