I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
