dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
