so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
