threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
