Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
