Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
