a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's Friday. Sex?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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