You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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