its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
