i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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