I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
