i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
