I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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