Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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