the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
