I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
