Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
