hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize