His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
