4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
