I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so much tequila, so little girl.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
