I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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