dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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