even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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