do herpes really smell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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