I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
