was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
