i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
