I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
