Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
