i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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