worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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