Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
