I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
