I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
