He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
