do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
