i think my mom watched the whole time
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
