Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
