Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
