Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
