I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
