i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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