I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
