There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
