yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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