I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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