Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
