then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
