You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
