We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
