I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
